No one is paying attention
you know when we are talking about the fear of judgment (yes that's a theme with me I'm sorry) and often people say shit like "no one is actually paying that much attention as you think"? well I'm sorry to say it, but some people actually are paying that much attention. and I am one of these people. that's why this approach doesn't work with me at all. seriously, I do pay too much attention. that's not to say that I'm judging people all the time, though sometimes yes, I am. I'm only human. I don't know what's my problem, I just pay too much attention, I'm a very curious person and I want to know everything I can possibly know about as many people as I possibly can, what can I say? the thing is, it doesn't matter. why should anyone care that I am paying attention? no one should. that's what I have to internalize: the ones that are paying attention are just idiots, like myself, so why should I care? and maybe they're not idiots at all, and that shouldn't matter as well. we should just not care. but I do. but soon I wont. hopefully.
or don't.